this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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