went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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