like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
