Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
