Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
