watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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