I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
