I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
