All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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