dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
