I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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