I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i love accidental penises.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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