Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
