Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
