My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize