Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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