Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
