So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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