im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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