Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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