dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
