He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
