Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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