ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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