i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
