Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
