i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So much Jack, so little girl.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
