just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
