I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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