seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
