Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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