We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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