matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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