i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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