allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
