you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize