i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All the doctor said was why
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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