he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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