I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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