FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
