please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
