ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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