I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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