Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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