Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
