I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im holly from the hills drunk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
