if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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