How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
