I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize