Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
