He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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