D3 body, D1 cock
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
