Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize