someone get that fucking seahorse.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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