Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
