Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
