idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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