glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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