with your own penis?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
