i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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