Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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