Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
