So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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