Just fell off a train. Bad.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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