What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
