We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
