If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
