I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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