where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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