i wish my penis had a tongue
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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